Tattooed Parents- we're just like the rest

As hard as we all try to be open minded and reign in the urge to judge there are many stigmas that society still holds fast to. One that affects me specifically is the bias that still exists toward people with tattoos. No, I am not talking about the cute little heart on your ankle or the butterfly on your hip as society seems to have gotten over those. I'm talking about people who have devoted their bodies to art. 

Hubbs, Bub, and I went on a family vacation to Disney World this year with grandma and grandpa (his parents). It was our first vacation together and we got stared at. I'm talking full on open mouthed gawking, pointing, and whispering. People visiting the world of Disney even looked angered and offended by us, especially when pushing little man around in his stroller. Apparently it was bad enough that we were tattooed, but adding offspring to the mix was completely outrageous. I wasn't really surprised.

Now, I'm really not all that far along on the road to being a thoroughly tattooed female. I have six. I intend to have a sleeve, a half sleeve, at least one lower leg sleeved (socked?) and one finger. However, 98% of my tattoos are clearly visible when it its winter. I also have a septum piercing and a tongue piercing as well as a couple others. There's barely a part of Hubbs left un-inked. He would literally have to be wearing a full hazmat suit to conceal them all, and he also had 1 1/4 inch gauge tunnels in his ears. We get looks wherever we go. 

What I don't understand is...what is the big deal? Tattoos are much more widely accepted today than they were even eight years ago when I first sat in the chair. But they are still deemed 'unprofessional' in many circles and cause people to give you a wide berth on the sidewalk. And people with tattoos are just that- people with tattoos. I understand that not too long ago there were serious crime/gang associates almost exclusively linked with tattooing, but this is the 21st century and having tattoos on my chest doesn't make me a bad person. I'm actually a pretty good person. Up until my recent hospitalization I was gainfully employed at a respectable business, I paid my bills, and took care of my family. My time was devoted to going out of my way to make other people happy, and every once in a while I indulged in a tattoo session to give myself a little happiness too. 

I've heard outrageous stories: mothers pulling their children away from guys with tattoos and telling them, "stay away from dirty bikers," and seen fathers step in front of their children, acting as shields, from a woman asking for directions. Really? That 'dirty biker' was at a fair with his family and an active participant in children's charities.  Color is only skin deep. A narrow mind permeates your entire being. 

Hubbs really has it worse than I do for the time being. He's an intimidating figure as it is at a brawny 6'2. But people see his tattoos- head to neck to knuckles to legs- and they back away, never mind that he is often described by little old ladies as a sweet, polite, and gracious gentleman. He works in the service industry and encounters all kind of people on a daily basis, walking into their homes to fix whatever has gone wrong. He is always first met with wide eyes and an instantaneous narrowing of the door opening, but he is the one that people always want coming back because he is a kind, respectful man. He is the one who will drag an older customer's garbage cans to the sidewalk without being asked, he'll fix the shower head even though it isn't his job, he'll play with your dog and talk to your kids. Every week he mows the lawn of our neighbor across the street because she is older and he doesn't want her to have to spend her fixed income on a landscaper. 

We are active, loving, attentive parents. We play at the park, we only employ a babysitter for work emergencies, and our kid is well mannered, patient, and well behaved (even though he is out of control spoiled). We often get complimented on his good behavior (and awesome array of fedoras). We have many friends who are also tattooed parents and they are all loving, wonderful, colorful people. I know that there are those who are tattooed and do not fit what I am saying, but that has nothing to do with their body art and everything to do with who they are as a person. Like I said, we're just people, same as everyone else out there. 

So keep in mind the next time you see a tattooed mom or dad, that they may be a few different colors on the outside, but on the inside we're still all the same. 

How To Be a Better Parent in One Simple Step

Now, I haven't been a parent for a very long time, but I'm young and am therefore going to use my youth as an excuse to pretend that I know everything and offer up some advice/criticism to other parents out there. Sort of, but not really. 

Remember back in the day (my back in the day so think 80's and early 90's) when you watched a movie or television show and the hallmark of an in-attentive and overworked parent (usually the father) was a businessman in a suit either sitting in his office at his desk answering phone call after phone call while his wife and kids were on the other side of the split screen staring with exasperation and sadness at the kitchen clock, or at home with one of those cinderblock sized cell phones perma-glued to his face and holding up the international 'just a second' finger while kids walk in and out of frame (sometimes with a football or baseball mitt in hand)? And, as a kid, you swore that you'd never be that guy because you wanted to be involved in your children's lives and you know how much it sucked to be that ignored kid. Or you were a girl and didn't worry about it cause women who worked were beast machines who could do it all. 

Well guess what...chances are, you totally betrayed that kid you used to be and have turned into that guy, or girl, mostly because we all suck and partially because, as kids, we couldn't grasp how things in the adult world worked and sometimes it really isn't as simple as putting the phone down and transitioning into play-mode.

We live in a society dominated by connectivity. Generations younger than mine will not know a time when everybody did not have a cell phone, where everyone didn't have access to a computer or the Internet, and when Siri wasn't a household name. 

There are definitely advantages as well as drawbacks to this widespread use of technology for communication and entertainment. I dare any teenager to try and tell their parents that they didn't have the number for someone in their class to get a homework assignment from a missed class (aside from the fact that they were probably emailed by their teacher already anyway) or tell their parents they were unable to call and check in because they weren't near a phone or didn't have change for a pay phone. Disadvantage kid, advantage parents.

But, really, what is all of this connectivity and instant gratification doing to us and our relationships? It's true, there is not a single person that I know who doesn't have a cell phone, much less a smart phone. If I wanted to get in touch with most of my friends I can call, text, FaceTime, tweet, Facebook message, email, or shout them out on Instagram. And I'm not that big of a social media user. I literally am just beginning to grasp how twitter works. Now, that really doesn't seem like a bad thing. It is genuinely useful to be able to get in touch with someone when need be. 

The trouble, to me at least, is that 'when need be' has been redefined to become synonymous with 'constantly'. There is a steady decrease of instances of that phone call that you used to make at the end of the day to your best friend to talk about what went on in your days and an increase of a constant stream of texts, pics, videos and other assorted crap that keeps you updated in real time. There's no reason to sit at the dinner table and talk about everyone in the family's day because, well, everyone already knows what went on. And, even if something was tweeted without notice and was missed, it'll be seen when the twitter feed refreshes between forkfuls of mashed potatoes. Dinner tables should be a phone free zone. 

That's really the advice that I'm trying to give. Make it a priority to create cellphone free zones, whether they be actual physical places where no phones are allowed or time frames where they're left safely in pockets and purses- or better yet bedrooms and desk drawers. Leave your phone alone. Focus on being a parent. Make playtime a priority with the little ones, and for older ones, use the time for face to face conversation with lots of eye contact. 

For example- Hubbs and I are big park people. If it is nice outside we will take Bub to the park for hours. We chase him around, slide down the slides, and push him on the swing or help him cross the monkey bars. We play. And yeah, I am always armed with my iPhone because I am that annoying person who wants to take pictures of every precious thing that he does to upload to Facebook and Instagram later on when I'm going to bed because I think my kid is the coolest kid on the planet. But that's it. I take a few photos. I don't text, or check my email, Facebook, Instagram, twitter, or anything else. When Conner calls out, "Jenny, watch me!" He doesn't really have to because I'm already watching him. 

Unfortunately, Hubbs and I are generally the only ones watching. Other parents have their eyeballs either glued to the screen or do the five minutes of staring at the screen then 30 second flick of the eyes to make sure their kid hasn't been abducted maneuver. I genuinely get angry hearing kids calling for their parents and their parents responding with a dramatically annoyed "what?"

Your kid is trying to interact with you, that's what. People say it all of the time and it's true: the time is going to come when you are going to want to sit and talk to your kid and they will no longer be interested. Get your time in with them while you still can.

Beyond that, you're setting a bad example. Your kid is learning from you that cellphones are more important. That it's acceptable to be constantly playing with your phone while having a conversation with someone in real life 3D, while eating dinner, while grocery shopping, while trying to get your work done. Your kid is learning through you that cellphone interaction is just as important, if not more so, than human interaction.

That is not something that I want my kid to learn. We do not have cellphones out during dinner. Park time is playtime- no phones allowed. Same if we go out as a family to Grammy and PawPaw's house. Yes, there are times Daddy has to take a phone call from his boss, and there are times Jenny checks to make sure that whoever is blowing up her phone isn't on their deathbed. But those are few and far between, because being good parents to our 4 year old is more important. Put your phones away, your kids are worth it.